jennifer lawrence is slowing becoming the new kristen stewart of tumblr like first people love her and then suddenly people start to hate her and sometime in the near future people will start to love her again i swear it makes no sense
the year is 2068. leo dicaprio is on his deathbed. his family and friends gather around, hug him, and ask him if he has any last requests. yes, he responds. cremate me. hollow out a statue. place me on the mantle. i am the oscar.
I can’t stop thinking about you. And I don’t want to stop thinking about you. But it hurts. Thinking about you hurts. And there’s no distraction. Nothing seems to be able to bring me out of myself. I’m stuck. And I can’t complain about it or cry about it because it’s my fault. This is all my fault. And I’m so lost. I feel so fucking lost. And I know you want to help me, but I don’t know how to let you. And I don’t want you to think I’m okay without you, but I don’t want you to worry. I hate causing you pain. And that’s all I’m doing, isn’t it? Just hurting you. Fuck, that kills me. It hurts. It’s a rip-you-apart pain. I hate myself for it.
I feel so guilty for shutting you out. Because, god. I want to be with you. More than anything. But I don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel right enough. But I feel more wrong without you. Does that even make sense? And we have problems. Maybe they’re little, maybe they’re big. I can’t even remember anymore. Can we fix them? Can we change? Is there still time?
This is so fucked up. And I caused it. And I’m so sorry. How do I fix it? How do I tell you what I don’t even know? How do I explain my thoughts when they’re so mixed up, so jumbled that I can hardly get through a day without wanting to rip my hair out? How did I get here? How did we get here? When did I become this person? I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe without you. But some twisted part of me wants to prove I can stand on my own. What the fuck does that even mean?
I want to call you. I want you to call me. I’m so proud that you’ve respected my request and haven’t contacted me. And at the same time I’m completely crushed that you haven’t talked to me. Which is stupid as hell because that’s what I asked for. How can you not be confused when I say I want space and then beg you not to leave? What’s wrong with me? Am I just too fucked up right now to deserve you? All I have is questions. And I want to know where the fuck I get my answers.